How Can You Best Support Your Partner Post-Pregnancy?
Pregnancy can be a beautiful thing. The idea that human bodies can be grown inside other human bodies, like little Russian dolls, is incredible. But the aftermath of pregnancy can be difficult to navigate, especially for the mother.
How can you best help your spouse or partner after the baby is born?
How can you help new mothers after childbirth?
All too often, the focus after pregnancy shifts in full to the baby and doesn't focus much on the new parent's postpartum care. This can be damaging to the new mom. Societal pressures typically insinuate, or at least seem to, that the new parent should put the new baby's and other family members' health and wellness before their own.
Feeling safe can be integral to a relationship, especially during big life changes.
The mother has dealt with a physical and emotional toll for months. Now, the mother of the infant may be up in the middle of the night to feed the baby and could be feeling a bit sleep-deprived and a little lonely.
Those who have witnessed their partner go through the ups and downs of pregnancy may feel uncertain about what to do now that the baby has finally arrived. Even someone who was the perfect partner during the birth may not know what their partner needs postpartum.
It's time to rise to the occasion. Here are some ways to support your partner post-pregnancy.
Provide emotional safety
Safety is such a big piece of what keeps us in relationships and what keeps us coming back to the people, places and things we love. Feeling safe can be integral to a relationship, especially during big life changes.
It's important to provide a sense of safety for your partner, particularly postpartum, according to Genesis Games, L.M.H.C., a mental health counselor in Miami.
The postnatal period is confusing, frustrating and a little more overwhelming than most people are led to believe.
"Emotional safety means feeling comfortable expressing our needs, feelings and thoughts without fearing humiliation, judgment, or that it will somehow be used against us," Games said. "The non-birthing partner needs to cultivate emotional safety so that the birthing partner feels at ease sharing the support they need."
Purchase pads
Even if you have never had to purchase a feminine hygiene product before, be prepared to do so now. As is the case with many procedures that involve reproductive organs, there will be bleeding and spotting.
The new parent will leave the clinic or hospital with at least a pad, if not something similar to an adult diaper. Your partner may need to change their menstrual pad every one to three hours for the first one to three days with continued use for the next two weeks, according to Healthy Parents, Healthy Kids.
Postpartum bleeding, or lochia, typically lasts for four to six weeks but can occur for up to 12 weeks after the baby is born, according to NCT. You will want to have at least one package of heavy-duty pads on-hand.
Be willing to speak with your partner to see if there is a brand or style they are the most comfortable wearing.
Practice breathing exercises
Breathing exercises are sometimes prioritized in the lead-up to the birth but don't particularly rank as a priority after labor and delivery. Deep breathing is not only great for your central nervous system, but different methods can actually help to heal the body and heighten (future) sexual experiences.
"There's no way you can do this wrong," said Callie David, M.A., M.F.T., a Denver-based marriage and family therapist with extensive breathwork practice and coaching.
Working together on breathwork as partners is a connective, intimate experience. You don't have to devote much time to meditative breathing, either.
"I recommend starting slow when it comes to breathwork. Try breathing for seven minutes a few times per week, and then you can slowly increase your time," David said.
Learn uterine massage
Not only can a basic uterine massage potentially help to regulate your partner's nervous system with slow movement and pressure, but it could also help them recover from vaginal birth. Plus, it might decrease their chances of hemorrhaging after the birth.
Perform a successful uterine massage by applying pressure in circular motions, or moving the fingers or hand gently around the birthing partner's lower abdomen. This movement can help stimulate the uterus, and continual movement, squeezing or general pressure for five to 10 minutes at a time, can potentially help in the healing process.
Perineal massage can be a good option leading up to and directly after the birth. Speak with your doctor to learn more.
Use your resources
Baby care can be stressful and exhausting. Your partner may feel overwhelmed in the days since the baby arrived. Take advantage of the National Maternal Mental Health Hotline.
Almost 12,000 pregnant or postpartum women or their friends or family used the emotional support network from May 8, 2022, through March 31, 2023, via text or phone, according to an HRSA Maternal and Child Health report.
Sometimes, your partner may want a sympathetic ear. But if your partner is exhibiting signs of postpartum depression, the NMMH hotline can help guide you both to the right resources.
The bottom line
"I think it's important to remember that not all support is created equal," Games said. "If we truly want our support to be seen and well-received, we have to ensure we are providing the kind of support our partner needs."
The postnatal period is confusing, frustrating and a little more overwhelming than most people are led to believe.
"We also have to be flexible with the expectations we have of each other, ourselves and the relationship," Games said. "You will never be the partner you were pre-baby, and neither will your partner. Your relationship will never be the same.
"This is not bad, it just is. It will take a while to adjust and reconfigure your roles as partners and parents."
