Between the Pages: 'Libidos and Life Lessons' Advocates Self-Discovery

Key Points

• Mariella Pearson delves into her dating experiences and personal growth through her journey of self-discovery amid breakups, challenges and the backdrop of the pandemic.
• The hairdresser-turned-author said she wants her story to resonate with those who may feel isolated in a world dominated by traditional relationship norms.
• She advocates for small acts of self-love as a way to boost self-esteem and recognize one's worth.

Mariella Pearson is the author of "Libidos and Life Lessons," a memoir begun during COVID-19 lockdown charting her dating disasters. In this candid and deeply relatable narrative, she delves into the tumultuous journey of a young woman navigating the complex terrain of dating. Set against the backdrop of breakups, heartaches and the unprecedented challenges posed by the pandemic era, she embarks on a transformative voyage of self-discovery.

Along the way, she uncovers profound truths about the nature of love, relationships and the importance of self-acceptance. Pearson's story serves as a poignant reminder that the most profound connections we seek may sometimes begin within ourselves.

In this exclusive interview, she unravels the layers of this compelling book and explores the depths of her introspective quest.

Editor's note: This interview has been edited for length and clarity.

Tell us about your background and what led you to write 'Libidos and Life Lessons.'

Mariella Pearson: Well, you know, life has a funny way of surprising us, doesn't it? I mean, here I am, a hairdresser of 13 years. And if you asked me back in school if I'd ever write a book, I probably would've laughed it off. Academics weren't really my thing, and I certainly didn't think of myself as a writer. It was actually one of my friends, my go-to confidante for all my dating disasters, who planted the idea in my head.

She said, "You've got to write a book about this stuff. It's too funny not to share."

I mean, it was almost like she was laughing at my dating misery, but hey, I'm glad she did.

The pandemic hit, and like many, I found myself stuck at home with way too much time on my hands. So, I started documenting all these crazy things that had happened in my life, especially my more memorable dates. It was mostly to keep myself entertained, just something to do during those endless lockdown days.

But then, something strange happened. I can't even recall what possessed me, but I ended up sharing some of what I'd written with a few friends. To my surprise, they told me, "This is really good. It's hilarious. You've got to keep going." And so, my writing journey began, all thanks to the COVID pandemic and some encouraging friends.

What impact do you think this book could have on readers, both in terms of personal growth and their attitudes toward sexuality and relationships?

Mariella Pearson: One of my main goals with the book was to ensure others going through similar experiences would feel less alone in their journey. It's something I deeply understand because, where I live, it often feels like everyone around me either has a partner or children, or sometimes both. I can't think of a single friend who doesn't fall into one of those categories, and let me tell you, it can be an incredibly isolating feeling.

I stumbled upon a book called "The Unexpected Joy of Being Single" by Catherine Gray. Reading it was a game-changer for me because it not only revealed there were others out there facing the same struggles as I was but also that there were people who, like me, weren't out there partying and drinking to numb the loneliness. So, that sense of connection I felt with the author, her experiences, and her choices was like a lifeline.

I wanted to pay that forward and create a book that someone else could pick up and say, "Hey, this person gets it. They've been through the same stuff, and they're not following the typical single-person narrative either."

If my story can make someone smile or, even better, provide them with a moment of genuine camaraderie, then I've achieved my main aim with this book. Loneliness can be incredibly tough, but knowing you're not alone in it can make all the difference.

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In the book, you discuss finding the joy of sobriety and your challenges of living with an eating disorder. How did you find the strength and motivation to become clean and go through that recovery process?

Mariella Pearson: When I reflect on those early days of my journey to recovery, it's hard not to get emotional. I consider myself incredibly fortunate to have an unwavering support system in my family. Their love and dedication played a monumental role in my ability to overcome addiction. To be honest, I couldn't have done it without them.

There are quite a few of us in my family, and every single one of them stepped up to the plate when I needed them most. My parents, in particular, were instrumental in getting me into rehab, and my sisters were right there by my side, ready to do whatever it took to help me get better. You see, when I first decided to get clean, it wasn't really for myself. I did it for them. I could see how much pain and fear my addiction was causing them. I'll never forget one of my sisters telling me how our mom couldn't sleep at night, not knowing if I'd make it through the next day. It hit me hard.

At that point, I had a moment of clarity. I can't say I wanted to live, but I also couldn't bring myself to end it all. It was this strange, paradoxical situation where I felt stuck, but something had to change. Getting clean seemed like the only way out. So, I took that step and surrounded myself with people who were on the same path, and slowly but surely, it became my life.

There have been countless pivotal moments along this journey, each one pushing me to strive for a better, healthier life. And through it all, I owe so much to my family for standing by me, unwavering in their support. Their love and belief in me gave me the strength to keep going, even in my darkest moments.

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What message do you want to send to people struggling with sobriety or thinking of getting clean?

Mariella Pearson: One key message I want to convey is that recovery is possible. Many people don't realize it's an option for a long time, but it truly is. I'm heartened to see more public figures openly discussing their sobriety nowadays, which helps to break down stigma and raise awareness.

But the core message remains: you don't have to stay trapped in a cycle of addiction or dependency. There's a way out and it's within your reach.

One thing I've learned on my journey is that there's an incredible amount of help and support available, often beyond what you might initially think. It's not just about support from medical professionals. There are numerous charities, support groups and meetings accessible to everyone, which don't cost a thing. These gatherings bring people together who are going through similar struggles, offering a sense of community and understanding that can be truly transformative.

My main message is this: recovery is not only possible, but it's also a path well-trodden by many who have come before us. You don't have to continue living a life dominated by addiction or dependency. There's a whole world of support waiting for you and you have the strength within you to take that first step toward a healthier, happier future.

As per the chapter title in 'Libidos and Life Lessons,' is social media a blessing or a curse when it comes to relationships?

Mariella Pearson: You know, the world of dating, in my opinion, is just an absolute minefield. It's not an experience I'd describe as enjoyable. If someone tells you they love dating, they're either doing it very differently from how I did or maybe, just maybe, they're telling a little white lie. It's a tough gig.

When it comes to social media, it's a bit of a mixed bag. On one hand, it does connect you with people, and if their accounts aren't locked down, you can certainly do a bit of digital detective work to get a sense of who they are. But I once dated someone who, before we really got into it, made a pact not to stalk each other online. It sounds a bit strange, I know, but it was actually quite refreshing. We got to know each other as we were, not as the meticulously curated online personas.

Here's the thing: I'm still torn on whether I'm a fan of social media or not. Some days, I'm itching to delete it all and go off the grid, and other days, I realize just how integral it is to running a business or staying connected with people. So, the jury's still out for me on the whole social media question. It's a complex beast, that's for sure.

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There's a theme throughout the book that falling in love with yourself is more important than finding the one. Can you discuss the importance of self-care and self-compassion?

Mariella Pearson: I'll be the first to admit I'm no expert in this arena. Self-love is a journey I'm still navigating, and trust me, some days are an uphill climb. But it's become abundantly clear to me just how crucial it is. For the longest time, I didn't really love myself, and that reflected in the kind of people I attracted into my life. They say you attract what you believe you're worth and that's a truth I've come to understand.

Giving yourself a break is something we all need to do more often. The pressure we put on ourselves can be relentless, and the influence of social media certainly doesn't make it any easier. But here's the thing: Nurturing self-love isn't about grand gestures. It's about those fundamental acts of self-care. It's like parenting yourself, learning how to cook a nice meal just for you, even if it seems a bit strange at first. I remember my therapist suggesting I make a roast dinner just for myself, and I was like, "Why bother if it's just me?" She asked, "Why wouldn't you? You're worth it."

Taking those small, seemingly insignificant steps is like laying the foundation for self-love. It's about boosting your self-esteem and truly believing that you're worth the effort. So, while I may not have all the answers, I've learned these little acts of self-love add up, and can transform the way you see yourself and your worth.

What do you want readers to take away from 'Libidos and Life Lessons?'

Mariella Pearson: We live in a world where there's so much pressure, whether it's about our mental health, the dating scene, or the expectation that by a certain age, we should have everything figured out. It can feel overwhelming, even all-consuming at times.

What I hope my book can do is provide a sense of solace and remind people that they're not alone in these struggles. We all face our unique challenges, and it's OK not to have life neatly wrapped up with a bow on top. Sometimes, we just need to be gentler with ourselves and understand not everyone follows the same path.

If my book can serve as a kind of comfort blanket, offering a bit of respite from the pressures of society's expectations, I'd consider it a success. Ultimately, I want readers to know it's OK to embrace their own journey, imperfections and all.