Anyone Can Have a Fake Orgasm
Most women have performed a fake orgasm at some point in their lives, myself included. Whether I knew it was a one-night stand, wanted to make my clumsy boyfriend feel better or just wanted the sex to be over, faking an orgasm was easier than having a real one.
Sometimes you don't click with your partner. Rather than trying to coach them to touch, lick and caress the right places, it's easier to throw your head back, moan and quicken your breath.
Orgasms are usually the universal signal that sex has concluded. I'm a big believer that sex shouldn't be all about orgasms, but there's no denying that people ask "Did you come?" or "Are you close?" when they want sex to end.
In cases like that, or for any number of other situations, it's useful to know how to fake an orgasm. A combination of moves can help you put on the show of a lifetime, according to experts.
1. Release your inner actress
Moaning is the telltale sign someone is enjoying sex, even if that's not how everyone expresses pleasure. The trick is to slowly ramp up the moaning so it's believable, starting with "oohs" and "ahhs," which gradually grow louder.
"Moan and groan as if you are really feeling the pleasure of sex and burst out into words like, 'I'm about to come—please don't stop!'" said Lee Phillips, a psychotherapist and certified sex and couples therapist based in both New York and McLean, Virginia.
"Loud moaning, body thrashing and saying all the 'right things' can make for one incredible fake O performance," said Angie Rowntree, founder and director of the New England-based, award-winning site Sssh.com, which creates sex-positive, ethical porn from a woman's point of view.
As an adult film director, she's seen firsthand that not all female orgasms look and sound alike.
"In some films, the female actress might moan loudly, because that is how she expresses pleasure, or she might be quiet," Rowntree said.
If screaming "Oh, God!" isn't really your style, you can focus on nonverbal cues.
2. Grab the sheets and move your body
Grabbing the sheets and writhing around as if a climax is approaching may be more performative at times but seems convincing nonetheless.
"Breathing heavily and imitating an orgasm you've heard or experienced tends to have the most powerful impact, especially in the dark," said sexologist Marla Renee Stewart, M.A., of Atlanta, a "sexpert" for the Lovers sexual wellness brand.
If you usually arch your back or your legs start shaking when you're about to orgasm, imitate those moves when you're faking it, too.
3. The grand finale: Kegels
Along with moving and breathing faster, Stewart recommended grabbing your partner and doing Kegels during penetration. Kegels involve contracting and relaxing your pelvic floor muscles. If you're not sure how to activate these muscles, imagine stopping your urine flow midstream.
With the combination of moaning, exclaiming "Oh, yes, don't stop," writhing your body like a snake and doing Kegels, you might even convince yourself you're having an orgasm.
Why do people fake orgasms anyway?
As you've seen in countless sex scenes where the girl is fake-moaning in her boyfriend's ear but rolling her eyes behind his back, we sometimes fake it to boost our partner's self-esteem.
"Some people feel good when their lover feels good, so this is another way to help your lover feel accomplished when they've tried their best," Stewart noted.
In the early years of my sexual exploration, I faked it to get my boyfriend to feel good about himself and his sexual abilities. But now I have no problem stopping sex mid-stroke and saying, "Can we stop? That doesn't feel good."
Admittedly, things become a little more complicated in that scenario, especially when you're in a long-term relationship and it's not just a hookup.
"Some people want to maintain a relationship that is otherwise solid but possibly lacking in physical chemistry and or sexual satisfaction," Rowntree explained. "So they fake it to maintain the status quo."
Another reason to fake the big O is it's a fairly painless way to end intercourse.
"A fake orgasm is a way to finish things off without having to disclose or discuss any potential disinterest or dissatisfaction," said Kate Delgado, of Los Angeles, a sex expert for Lioness Health, makers of the Lioness Vibrator 2.0. After all, telling your partner they're not pleasing you in bed is awkward, to say the least.
You may resort to faking it simply because you're unable to come, but pretending to do so will keep the peace.
"Sexual performance anxiety may prevent someone from achieving orgasm, so they fake one so the other person doesn't feel they are the problem," Phillips explained. "People with chronic illness or disability might not be able to come, either, and faking it can help cover up any shame around that."
It's OK, but be aware of the consequences
Every expert expressed concerns about relying on faking it long term.
"In the moment, faking is like a Band-Aid for yourself or the other person's ego," Rowntree explained. "But in reality, it only minimizes larger issues that could sabotage sexual intimacy and the relationship itself."
Improving your sex life so you don't have to fake it is a better long-term solution. But sometimes you just have to do what's necessary to get your grind on.
