5 Reasons You Should Make More Eye Contact During Sex

Eye contact is powerful.

Whether it's a prospective customer you're interacting with or a random stranger across the room, holding someone's gaze is a great tool for establishing or building a connection with someone. That's true whether the eye contact is romantic or not.

When a person makes eye contact, it makes the other party feel seen, valued and acknowledged. Even looking at a portrait painting that appears to meet your eyes can trigger brain activity related to social cognition, according to a 2018 study published in Brain and Cognition.

"Eye gazing is actually a common practice in tantra—an ancient spiritual practice—that is believed to help deepen the connection between two people," said Martha Lee, D.H.S., a clinical sexologist with a doctorate in human sexuality with Eros Coaching in Singapore. "It's believed that when two people gaze into each other's eyes, they can connect on a deeper level and this connection can lead to a greater understanding of one another."

While often under-utilized, making eye contact during sex is a great way of fostering intimacy that can elevate sex in various ways.

1. Eye contact heightens arousal

Arousal is elicited by the sending and receiving of eye gaze information, according to a June 2019 study published in Frontiers in Psychology. This means that during sex, your arousal is heightened when you're making eye contact with each other.

Eye contact stimulates the release of dopamine, which can create feelings of pleasure and reward.

"Additionally, adrenaline is also released, which can create a feeling of excitement and arousal during sex," said Lee, who is certified by the American Association of Sexuality Educators, Counselors and Therapists (AASECT).

2. Eye contact strengthens your bond

Making direct eye contact is associated with increased levels of honesty. During intimacy, this can help to establish increased levels of trust between you and your partner, which in turn strengthens your bond.

When you make eye contact, during sex or not, your brain releases oxytocin, known as the love hormone. This hormone is associated with closeness and long-term bonding, which can enhance the emotional connection that you already have with your partner.

3. Eye contact increases desirability and attraction

Direct eye contact during sex makes your partner feel desired at an even deeper level.

As a matter of fact, a study published in the Journal of Research and Personality revealed that strangers of the opposite sex who gazed into each other's eyes for two minutes reported significantly higher feelings of affection and greater liking for their partners.

"It really drives home the point of this isn't just sex, it's sex with you that's turning me on, and there's no sexier feeling than that," said Lyndsey Murray, a licensed professional therapist, an AASECT-certified sex therapist and owner of Relationship Matters Therapy in Cedar Park, Texas.

4. Eye contact proves you're focused on your partner's pleasure

Eye contact shows your partner that you are paying attention to them, and that you care about their pleasure and if they're having a good time, Murray explained.

This affirmation is a great reassurance to your partner that you care about them and their needs during sex, which makes them feel worthy of your love.

5. Eye contact is a great way to display emotions during sex

Our eyes are our most expressive feature. Making eye contact during sex is an open window to our emotions, allowing us to convey how we're feeling in that moment.

"It allows us to communicate to our partners our desires and needs without having to use words," Lee said.

This can help to make sex more enjoyable for both partners, as you'll be able to better understand each other's needs and wants through eye contact.

How to practice making more eye contact during sex

Before worrying about eye contact during intimate moments, practice making more eye contact with your partner outside the bedroom. This can help you to get comfortable with making eye contact in a sexual context.

"You can try a simple exercise with your partner such as looking into each other's eyes for five minutes and you might be surprised what emotions can come up for you when you do it," Murray said.

Making eye contact during moments of intimacy that don't involve sex, such as cuddling and kissing, can be another great place to start.

Make sure you let your partner know that you're trying to make more eye contact during sex so they can support you.

"You can start by making eye contact during sex or when you're both undressing each other," Lee said. "You can also try looking into each other's eyes while you're both in different positions or when you're both climaxing."

If you feel shy or uncomfortable, you can start by looking into your partner's eyes for just a few seconds at a time, before gradually increasing the amount of time you spend looking into each other's eyes.

Practicing in a mirror by making eye contact with yourself can also help you become more comfortable with someone else. However, this isn't a compulsory exercise and you don't need to make eye contact with your partner the entire time.

"When it feels too intense, you can always close your eyes and look away," Murray said. "Remembering that this is not something you have to do makes it easier to try out."