Pillow Talking: Why Do I Overshare After Sex?

Hopefully when you finish having sex with someone, you're relaxed and happy, and feeling satiated. Then, maybe, you'll lay out your entire life story to your partner, or spew out secrets about yourself you wouldn't even share with your closest friend while pillow talking. Wait, what just happened?

If you've ever found yourself in such a situation, you're not alone. As it turns out, sex can really unleash your tongue, according to a 2017 study published in Personality and Social Psychology Bulletin.

It's not exclusively tied to having sex per, but rather the result of being exposed to sexual stimuli, which makes you emotionally uninhibited.

The research on pillow talk

The research cited above represents a series of studies whose aim was to determine whether sex was linked to self-disclosure to prospective partners. Heterosexual participants were exposed to sexual stimuli versus neutral stimuli.

In one study, participants were exposed to an erotic image of the opposite gender (such as an image of an attractive, kneeling, naked woman for the male participants) while others were exposed to neutral images. After that, they shared a personal event with potential participants via a dating app.

The results revealed people who were exposed to the sexual images shared more intricate details about the personal event.

'We feel more attached and inclined to trust a person we've shared intimate moments with.'

In another study, participants watched an erotic film scene (from the movie, "Original Sin," in which actors Angelina Jolie and Antonio Banderas have sex) and others watched a neutral film about cats. People who watched the erotic scene were more likely to get personal, telling embarrassing events face-to-face as opposed to the neutral scene viewers

A third study included one set of participants who watched videos of couples interacting sexually with each other while others watched clips of couples being intimate but not in a sexual manner. Those who were exposed to the videos of couples having sex were more likely to share more personalized details in dating app conversations.

Oversharing after sex, AKA pillow talk, is something ingrained in all of us as a way to get closer to potential partners and thus begin to develop a relationship. Human beings are unique in that they prefer to have sex in private and then fall asleep together afterward. Also, one of the most popular sex positions is the missionary where there is maximum eye contact involved, which has been associated with long-term bonding.

5 reasons you overshare after sex

Here are five reasons why you might find yourself revealing your innermost thoughts and secrets with your partner after sex.

Oxytocin release

Oversharing after sex is mostly tied to the release of oxytocin during orgasms, a "love hormone" associated with closeness and bonding.

"When this hormone is released, we feel more attached and inclined to trust a person we've shared intimate moments with," said Rebecca Alvarez, a California-based sexologist and CEO of Bloomi. "This can then lead to revealing our secrets and private details which we might not have shared otherwise."

Post-coital relaxation

After sex, your body is in a blissful and relaxed state, which in turn can act as a catalyst for pillow talk.

Safety

Deciding to be physically intimate with someone requires a certain level of trust. And turning that logic around, you'd be more inclined to trust a person whom you were physically intimate with.

This trust can foster a sense of safety and security, making it easier to share your deepest, darkest secrets.

Social conditioning

"Many people are socialized to view sex as an intimate and meaningful act that should be reserved for close relationships," Foxx noted. "This belief can lead to the desire to create deep emotional connections and seek further depths of intimacy."

By oversharing after sex, you're trying to satisfy an evolutionary need to form a long-lasting relationship. So, the next time you find yourself blurting out that embarrassing incident that happened many years ago after sex, you can blame it on your brain trying to find a long-term romantic partner.

Vulnerability

Having sex with someone involves a lot of touch and emotions. You really can't get any physically closer with someone than that.

Both the physical and emotional nakedness make you feel more comfortable and less guarded with your partner, which in turn can lead to comfort in sharing personal information.

Further, the act of sharing personal information and voicing your desires or fantasies during sexual activity can create an environment that encourages even further emotional vulnerability, as Lilith Foxx, a sexologist and relationship coach based in Texas, explained.

"As you become less guarded and reveal more about yourself, you may feel even more inclined to open up about other aspects of your life, including your emotions," she said.