Giddy Presents The Naked Truth: I Really Love My Date…But Her Kids?

I'm an AASECT-certified sex therapist and licensed professional counselor-supervisor, based in Austin, Texas. I've been in practice for 14 years, including working in corporate settings, higher education and private practice.

If you've got questions you want to be answered in future columns, email me at askgiddy@getmegiddy.com. Privacy in all matters of intimacy is very important to me and any questions answered in this column will be entirely anonymous.

Enough about me, let's talk sex.

I recently met a girl who I really like. Every time we hang out, it's effortless and amazing. The issue is she has young kids and I'm not sure exactly how to fit in with her when she's with them. Am I supposed to become attached and keep hanging out? Or should I back off if I'm not sure that having kids is where I want to be at this point in my life?

Harrison in Alabama

Having been a single mom most of my adult life, I can offer perspectives from both parties.

As a single parent, I never had much personal space to focus on seeing new people and forming new relationships because I was juggling my professional growth as well as my day-to-day growth as a parent.

I love this question because there are aspects to consider within the couple dynamic, sexual dynamic, co-parenting and family blending, and of course, what you want for yourself in the future.

I would start by saying that reading who she is as a person in the intimate and sexual connection should come first. If the existing children are not a deal-breaker then falling in love with her could very easily lead you into falling in love with all of her, including her children.

Explore how the two of you can make time for dates and fun conversations once the children have gone to bed. Evaluate how you feel with, or without, the biological dad, including how and what she discloses from the previous relationship. If there appears to be an amazing connection between her and you, and a healthy co-parenting dynamic you can handle with the ex, start to explore what this relationship could evolve into.

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Being a part-time helper is very different from being a full-time parent. Even in the best divorces, some pain from the past exists. So, be aware of your own futuristic desires. You have some important questions to ask yourself:

• Financially, do you both see yourselves capable of being able to contribute to the well-being of her existing kids?
• What kind of social support do your friends and family offer to you dating a woman with kids?
• If you live the life of a single frat boy, is this conducive to her healthy parenting as a current mama?
• Are there parts of your lifestyle you would need to adjust and does this make you feel motivated or trapped?

Ultimately, you have a say and a choice in what your future life looks like.

I'll never forget the incredible passion and excitement I felt meeting my future husband. We were neighbors so we spent every evening after work together. He wanted a family of his own, but he wanted biological children and was not keen on raising or financially contributing to someone else's kids.

He would bond and connect with me, so the couple dynamic was solid. The two little girls I was raising made him pause, and once his mom's perspective of, "Well, does she want more?" set in, he was then willing to explore the attachment to my littles.

We now have two amazing kids together and have a combined family including four kids.

You are only human and kiddos who are well-behaved and fun to hang out with are easy to become attached to. Maintain your identity and allow some reflection on your future. If a blended family with or without biological children seems to fit, then have that conversation with her.

You may end up lifelong friends. You may end up lifelong lovers and partners. Either way, be sure to invest in getting to know how each of you feels without assumptions and the best for each of you will turn out.

Again, I'm not shy, so feel free to ask me anything. Remember, this will always be anonymous. If you have any questions about relationships, sexual activities or your partners, let me know. Tell me your first name and the state you live in so I can attribute your question. Please email me at askgiddy@getmegiddy.com. We will always respect your privacy.