Giddy Presents The Naked Truth: I Cheated. Should I Come Clean?
I'm an AASECT-certified sex therapist and licensed professional counselor-supervisor based in Austin, Texas. I've been in practice for 14 years, including working in corporate settings, higher education and private practice.
If you have questions you want to be answered in future columns, send me an email at askgiddy@getmegiddy.com. Privacy in all matters of intimacy is very important to me and any questions answered in this column will be entirely anonymous.
Enough about me, let's talk sex.
I've cheated on my partner but I haven't told them. The affair is over now, but how can I make sure my original relationship is still good moving forward?
Sebastián in New Mexico
I don't care who did what to whom. There is no good, bad, right or wrong. It is not about blame, shame, guilt or doubt. Most importantly, there is no villain or victim.
But wait.
Before I lose your attention, let me just say, I have been there. Betrayed, confused and angry. These feelings are so vulnerable and draining. I know I don't like feeling like s**t, but seriously, I could not be more grateful to figure out who and what is in front of me.
So you cheated, OK? Let's move on from the negative and take a look at what was missing for you in your relationship. Even if you feel like a self-proclaimed horn dog with some addiction to all things, you are human and pretty awesome and made a mistake toward your commitment.
There is no excuse. But then again, if you are willing to learn and figure this out moving forward, give yourself a minute. What is your original relationship comprised of? What did this other person offer? Sex. Desire. Flirtation. Attention. Confidence. There is always a decent reason for straying away and within context, it makes sense in the heat of the moment.
Honestly, I crave affection and attention that validates my efforts and ideas. It sounds demanding, but so are blowjobs. Accountability stands for all of our mistakes, so moving forward could look as simple as owning up to making a mistake. Proceed with caution because moving forward should be a choice for both of you and not just a result.
Again, I'm not shy, so feel free to ask me anything. Remember, this will always be anonymous. If you have any questions about relationships, sexual activities or your partners, let me know. Tell me your first name and the state you live in so I can attribute your question. Please email me at askgiddy@getmegiddy.com. We will always respect your privacy.
