Why (Some) Couples Divorce and Remarry—Each Other
It's rare to remarry a person you've already divorced.
In fact, according to a study on reunited couples conducted by Nancy Kalish, professor emeritus at California State University in Sacramento, only 6 percent of participants divorced and remarried the same person.
A stronger sequel
Molly, a 75-year-old woman, is one such partner. After getting married in 1970 and having two sons, she and her husband divorced in 1990. Her husband was experiencing a creative crisis and felt like he needed space to find himself again.
"In 1995, we had a granddaughter," Molly said. "That flipped the switch for him, I don't know why. We started dating again."
In 1997, they got remarried, in part because Molly needed health insurance. "My kids were thrilled and my parents were happy. We belonged together," she said.
When people ask Molly how long she and her husband have been married, she tells them since 1970, including the "lost years" in between.
"I never felt like I wasn't married to him, even when we got divorced," she explained.
Reuniting the family
Freelance writer Carol Sorgen also divorced her husband, which she chalks up to inexperience and different life choices. But instead of remarrying, they became partners again more than 20 years later.
Telling her story online at JMORE, Sorgen wrote, "Friends have asked, 'What's different now? If it didn't work the first time, why would it now?' I tell them what drew us to each other in the beginning still remains, but the issues that caused us problems no longer apply."
Anne, another freelance writer, married and divorced her husband very quickly. They remarried eight years later and had a daughter. He's since passed away, but Anne still deeply values their relationship.
Reconciliation is common—some couples cancel their divorce proceedings just days before it would become finalized.
"Ultimately, I remarried Jon for the same reason I married him," Anne said. "He was the smartest person I knew. We shared a sense of humor. Our relationship could be challenging, but by the time we remarried, I better understood the value of a deep intellectual connection. He was my person. There was never a time that I didn't love Jon."
Many people can cite a laundry list of reasons why couples divorce, but few can identify why these same couples get back together. Christine C. Fitzgerald, Esq., of Seiden Family Law in Cranford, New Jersey, said couples who grow apart may ultimately grow back together. For instance, if they have kids together, they may want to reunite the family.
"Sometimes they realize that they have more in common than they once did. Their interests get realigned," she added.
Friendship is the key
When you're going through turmoil in a marriage, your differences can seem like a lot to handle.
"But those bad feelings and tension may dissipate," Fitzgerald said. "Couples may reconsider their relationship once they're out of it and say: 'Maybe we could work through this' or 'This wasn't as bad as I thought it was.'"
Fitzgerald shared an instance of a couple who divorced and remarried after their son passed away. Tragedies, as much as happy occasions—such as welcoming a grandchild or attending a family wedding—can bring people together. The couple also remained amicable while they were divorced, which seems to be a common theme among couples who remarry one another. With rekindled romances, there seems to be a semblance of love that's always been there, but time and circumstance got in the way.
If you are considering a divorce, the first thing on your mind probably won't be whether or not you'll get back together with your ex-spouse down the road. But, Fitzgerald said, reconciliation is common—some couples cancel their divorce proceedings just days before it would become finalized.
As the saying goes: Never say never!
